Walking Through the Fire: How Therapy Supports Healing During Divorce
Guest Post by Colleen Daugherty, MA, MS, LHHCA
Divorce is more than a legal ending—it’s often one of the most disorienting and emotionally complex transitions a person can experience. It’s not just the loss of a relationship; it’s the unraveling of a shared life, the collapse of long-held dreams, and the overwhelming task of rebuilding a future you never planned for.
As a trauma therapist, I’ve walked alongside many clients through this kind of pain. But I’ve also known it personally. A few years ago, my own world changed in an instant. I came across something that made it undeniably clear my marriage was over. In that moment, everything I had been trying to hold together fell apart.
What I was grieving were all the years I had silenced my own needs, ignored my instincts, and held onto hope that things might change.
The truth is, when the relationship ended, I wasn’t grieving the relationship itself—I had known for some time that it was no longer aligned with who I was becoming. What I was grieving were all the years I had silenced my own needs, ignored my instincts, and held onto hope that things might change. Like many people with a pattern of toxic loyalty, I stayed far longer than was healthy.
That experience gave me a deep, personal understanding of how easy it is to become frozen in place—not because things are okay, but because the thought of leaving can feel too overwhelming, too uncertain, or too unsafe to act on.
Therapy can help begin to thaw that frozen space—gently, at your pace—by creating safety, building clarity, and reconnecting you to the parts of yourself that already know you deserve something more.
Therapy vs. Coaching: Two Pillars of Support
While divorce coaches and therapists often serve different roles, they are deeply complementary. Coaches help clients take action, gain clarity, and move forward with structure and momentum. As a therapist, my focus is on emotional healing, nervous system regulation, and processing the deeper wounds—especially betrayal and abandonment trauma—that often surface in divorce.
In many cases, the two approaches work best together. If you’re working with a divorce coach, therapy can support the emotional side of your growth, helping you stay grounded, centered, and whole as you rebuild your life.
Betrayal and Abandonment Trauma: More Than a Breakup
Divorce doesn’t just end a marriage—it can reawaken old wounds that live in the body and nervous system. If your relationship involved infidelity, emotional neglect, narcissistic abuse, or being suddenly left, you may be dealing with betrayal or abandonment trauma. These experiences often leave you feeling unstable, hypervigilant, or emotionally raw—regardless of who initiated the divorce.
Therapy helps you begin to separate your worth from someone else’s choices, calm the survival response that keeps you in a cycle of fear or shame, and begin rewriting the story of what you deserve.
Creating a Regulated Body and Mind
Stress from divorce is not just emotional—it lives in the body. To support clients in regulating their nervous systems, I use Biosound Therapy, which combines music, sound massage, vibration, meditation, and video content. This method activates the body’s natural relaxation response through binaural beats and deep vibrational soundwork. It’s especially helpful for those experiencing anxiety, panic attacks, emotional flooding, or burnout during or after divorce.
When the body feels safe, healing becomes possible.
For deeper trauma work, I offer Accelerated Resolution Therapy (ART)—a powerful, evidence-based modality that uses guided imagery and eye movements to help the brain reprocess distressing memories. Unlike traditional talk therapy, ART does not require long retellings of the trauma. It allows the brain to update how painful memories are stored, so they no longer feel emotionally overwhelming or intrusive. ART is particularly effective for those experiencing betrayal trauma, emotional flashbacks, or unresolved attachment wounds that keep repeating in relationships.
Together, these therapies help restore a sense of safety—not just emotionally, but physically. When the body feels safe, healing becomes possible.
A Mountain Worth Climbing
After I signed my divorce papers, I boarded a plane to Madeira, Portugal. For months, I had seen a photo of a stunning mountain hike on Instagram. Something in me knew—I needed to climb that mountain. So I did. I stood at the summit, feeling the weight of everything I had endured, and the clarity that my life would never be the same.
That mountain became a symbol of everything I had overcome—physically, emotionally, spiritually. Maybe you can’t take a trip right now. But I invite you to find your version of that mountain. Maybe it’s reclaiming your weekends. Redecorating your bedroom. Finally sleeping through the night again. Let that be your healing goal—your symbol of what’s possible.
You don’t have to be strong every day. You just have to be willing to keep going. And the right therapist can help you walk through the fire—and come out more whole on the other side.
About Colleen Daughterty, MS, MA, LHHCA
Colleen is a trauma-certified clinical mental health counselor specializing in divorce recovery, betrayal and abandonment trauma, relational healing, and life transitions. She offers therapy in a supportive, grounded space for clients ready to heal and rebuild. She is currently practicing clinically in the Indianapolis area.
