Supporting your kids through Divorce
As May marks Mental Health Awareness Month, I plan to highlight a few professionals to discuss topics related to divorce and mental health support. I believe that by bringing these professional perspectives to our community, we can help reduce stigma and ensure that no one faces these difficulties alone.
Divorce is one of life's most challenging transitions, and when children are involved, the emotional complexity multiplies. I see so many of you - navigating your own healing journey while tasked with shepherding children through this significant change. Today's Mental Health Monday focuses on identifying, accessing, and implementing the right support systems for your kids during this challenging time.
What I learned from my own divorce journey with small children:
When my divorce was finalized, I found myself raising four children, all under eleven years old. Despite my best intentions and relentless efforts to do everything right, I stumbled through those early days of single parenting—making mistakes, second-guessing decisions, and often feeling like I was failing them. But through the chaos and uncertainty, three profound lessons emerged that fundamentally changed how we moved forward as a family:
1. Your Healing Matters Too: I prioritized my own therapy sessions, emptying my emotional cup weekly before reconnecting with my kids. This wasn't selfish—it was essential. When we nurture our mental health, we create capacity to show up for our children. Your oxygen mask goes on first. Always.
2. Let Experts Help Your Children: I was terrified that my "failed marriage" would harm my kids forever. The truth? I couldn't be their parent AND their therapist. Our play-based therapist gave them a safe space to process what I couldn't navigate for them. Children need specialized support during divorce—it's not admitting defeat, it's practicing wisdom.
3. Release Perfect Parenting: Carryout dinners on therapy days became sacred rituals. Sometimes good parenting means finding new traditions amid the chaos. The gentle rhythms of weekly routines gave us space to breathe, connect, and heal together. I was often reminded that children will remember these moments of connection, not the painful transition.
Recognizing When Your Child Needs Support
Children process divorce differently than adults, often cycling through emotions they don't yet have words for. I learned this firsthand during our weekly therapy routine— appointments that provided structure as we adjusted to our new normal. I didn't have the confidence or bandwidth to manage their feelings about divorce while juggling my own. But I felt a dual sense of humility and grace in recognizing that I couldn't do this alone and that we were worthy of receiving support.
Watch for these signs:
Changes in sleep or frequent nightmares
Academic performance shifts or behavioral reports
Social withdrawal or sudden clinginess
Physical complaints without medical cause
Increased aggression or emotional outbursts
Expressions of guilt about the divorce
Remember: these reactions are normal responses to an abnormal situation. Your child isn't "broken" – they're adapting. And neither are you.
Building Your Support Team
Child Therapists and Counselors: Look for professionals specializing in family transitions and age-appropriate therapeutic modalities. Play therapy works well for younger children, while cognitive-behavioral approaches often benefit teens. Ask potential therapists about their experience with divorce-related issues and their approach to working with your child's age group.
This week I want to introduce Brittany Waitt, resident clinician at Circle City Play Therapy here in Indianapolis. Play therapy allows children to process complex divorce emotions through their natural language: play. Using dolls for family scenarios, sand trays for two-home stories, or art to express feelings, children can safely work through big emotions like anger, sadness, and confusion about family changes while building confidence and coping skills.
How Play Therapy Specifically Helps During Divorce:
Processing Big Feelings: Children often feel overwhelmed by emotions like anger, sadness, confusion, or fear about family changes. Play therapy gives them tools to understand and manage those feelings safely.
Building Confidence: Divorce can shake a child's sense of security. Play therapy helps kids recognize their strengths and resilience during uncertain times.
Improving Behavior: If your child is having trouble with listening, following directions, or managing impulses during this transition, play therapy can help them learn new coping skills.
Working Through Family Changes: Children often carry more emotional weight about divorce than we realize. Play therapy provides a safe space for them to process and heal from these significant life changes.
Brittany Waitt, MA - CMHC and resident play therapy clinician.
"When caregivers prioritize their children's emotional well-being during divorce, they lay the foundation for lifelong resilience. Play Therapy can be a gentle and powerful tool in that journey."
— Brittany Waitt, Play Therapist, Indianapolis
Other Professional Support Options:
School Counselors and Social Workers Your child's school likely offers support services you may not know about. Schedule a meeting with the school counselor to discuss your family situation and explore available resources like support groups, academic accommodations during stressful periods, or peer mentoring programs.
Pediatric Support Your child's doctor can be an valuable ally in monitoring stress-related physical symptoms and connecting you with mental health resources. Don't hesitate to discuss behavioral changes during routine visits.
Family Mediators and Co-Parenting Specialists These professionals can help establish communication frameworks that reduce conflict exposure for your children. A peaceful co-parenting relationship is one of the greatest gifts you can give your kids during this transition.
One silver lining of divorce is that it can create a catalyst for families to break through the therapy-stigma barrier. We continue to lean into mental health resources as life throws us curveballs. Our goal as their parent isn't to act as their therapist, but to guide and model how to utilize resources when life gets challenging and we require additional support.
No "perfect path" exists through divorce, but there are glimmers along the way and light waiting on the other side. I'm grateful for all the hands that held mine during that time, and I'm here to extend my hand to you.
With nurturing love,
