Mothering ourselves and each other
As Mother's Day approaches, our social media feeds fill with picture-perfect celebrations, flowery cards, and brunches that seem to proclaim "this is how motherhood should look." But for many of us—especially those navigating the choppy waters of divorce—this day carries a more nuanced reality.
I am fortunate to celebrate my journey with my four beautiful children, but that journey also includes the profound losses of four miscarriages. The duality of joy and sorrow has taught me that Mother's Day isn't a one-dimensional experience.
This complexity extends beyond my personal story. I've held the hands of friends mourning children taken too soon. I've walked alongside those struggling with infertility, their arms aching for a child they long to hold. I've comforted those missing their mothers today, whether through death or distance. And I've listened as many have shared stories of maternal relationships that left wounds rather than nurturing.
What ties these experiences together is something familiar to anyone who has weathered divorce: we all struggle with expectations that have fallen short. We hoped for one reality and found ourselves living another. When you've navigated divorce, you know this feeling intimately. You once stood before loved ones and promised forever, only to find yourself rewriting that story. You imagined family holidays unfolding one way, then had to create new traditions from the pieces of those broken expectations.
“All women are mothers. Because all women bring life to the world in some way.” - Holley Gerth
While there is no universal solution to navigating grief over lost dreams, I've found power in redefining expectations based on what is, rather than what could have been. Start by identifying what motherhood truly symbolizes to you—beyond the commercialized version we're sold. Then shift your energy toward honoring that essence:
Connect with Mother Earth:
Spend time digging in your garden, hiking through nature, or simply sitting beneath a tree. Our planet offers a nurturing presence that never withholds love.
Celebrate chosen family:
Reach out to your favorite mom friend and plan time together. Mothering energy exists in many relationships, not just biological ones.
Express maternal care:
Direct nurturing energy toward someone or something you love—a pet, a garden, a community project, or even yourself.
I framed these photos to keep on my desk: one is of my late maternal grandmother - Mary Jane - and the other is of myself as a little girl - Leah Jayne. These serve as a bridge between past and present - little reminders of my innocence, dreams, and the foundation of who I’ve become.
I'll never forget my first Mother's Day as a single mom. That year brought an unexpected realization: I felt freedom in dropping the expectation that my children's father should orchestrate the perfect day on their behalf. Instead, I carefully crafted my own expectations. I communicated clearly with my children about what would make the day special. I bought myself flowers—exactly the arrangement I loved. I scheduled self-care time—a long bath and thirty minutes with a book I'd been wanting to read. Then I planned activities with my kids that I genuinely enjoyed.
Any additional gratitude or recognition became a bonus—not a requirement. By mothering myself—tending to my inner child with the same care I give my children—I created a fulfilling weekend that didn't hinge on others meeting unstated expectations.
As this Mother's Day approaches, I invite you to consider:
What expectations can you release?
Which ones no longer serve your current reality?
How might you honor yourself?
What form of self-nurturing would fill your cup?
Where can you find or create meaning?
Beyond traditional celebrations, what would make this day feel authentic to your journey?
Whether you're a mother mourning the family structure you once envisioned, someone grieving maternal loss, or navigating complex emotions about motherhood itself—know you are seen and loved. The path through this complicated day isn't about forcing joy, but about creating space for your authentic experience.
And sometimes, the most powerful mothering we can do is to hold our own hearts with gentleness as we navigate these complicated waters.
How will you honor yourself and those who matter to you this weekend?
Happy Mother’s Day to my mama - my top blog subscriber and most loyal fan since the days she’d discover my diaries under the bed. 💗
Cheers to mothering ourselves and the ones we love.
